DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I are both 19 and met on campus at the college we attend. The good news is he's a very serious student. I've seen his study habits and dedication to pursuing his degree up close and in person, and it's impressive. He truly puts in the effort, has discipline and he goes the extra mile.

Now, for the bad news — last weekend he brought up the idea of taking me "lingerie shopping" in advance of my birthday, which is coming up in three weeks! We've been dating each other only a couple of months, and I must admit that I'm very uncomfortable with this idea. It surprised me that he even brought this up in the manner that he did. At first, I briefly thought it might be a joke, so I asked him a few questions to probe his seriousness further, and I soon learned that he was extremely serious about this.

I simply told him that I'd think about it and get back to him, but I already know that this is not going to happen. I'm absolutely not going to shop for lingerie and come out of a dressing room to have him look at me and tell me what he thinks! And even if he wasn't thinking he would see me modeling these garments in front of him, just the idea of him shopping for lingerie with me makes me beyond uncomfortable given that we're still basically in a new relationship, still getting to know each other.

How can I decline his offer in such a way that I don't jeopardize the entire relationship? — His Shopping Idea Was Shocking, via email

HIS IDEA WAS SHOCKING: To start with, I believe you're looking at this the wrong way. You should be far more concerned about your own comfort level than his. The fact that you think you might jeopardize the entire relationship by turning down his shopping idea is puzzling to me on many levels. I feel that instead of trying to deflect or come up with a clever excuse or reason why you're not going to accept his shopping offer, you should just tell him directly how you feel.

Explain that you're uncomfortable with the whole idea and that this is not an appropriate way to celebrate your birthday in your opinion. Be prepared in advance of this discussion to then give him three or four examples of different types of outings that you might enjoy and approve of as a birthday celebration you'd be comfortable with.

Telling him openly and honestly how you feel, acting firm yet casual about it, and making alternate recommendations will likely be the easiest way to diffuse this idea of his entirely.

MY PARENTS DON'T WANT ME USING ATM MACHINES

DR. WALLACE: I'm a second-year female college student, just now beginning my fall semester. My parents have been great with helping me with my living expenses and tuition to attend my current university. They made me a deal way back in high school that if I could gain admission to their alma mater, they would cover all expenses for me, so I've been very lucky to have this opportunity.

I did indeed work hard in high school, took advanced classes and did everything in my power to get accepted to this university. But there is one thing I'd like to make an adjustment to, and I haven't been able to figure out how to do it yet.

My parents gave me a credit card to use to pay my living and day-to-day expenses while in college, but of course the statement goes back home to their address for the payment. This means they see each charge I incur. A few months into my freshman year, I made the mistake of eating at a fast-food restaurant, and I got an earful from both of them since they are very healthy eaters and are always lecturing me and my siblings to eat healthy food and to avoid "junk food" at all costs.

I do eat well overall, but I would absolutely love to have a few "guilty pleasure" meals or snacks here and there once in a while. But I can't do that if I use the credit card to make these payments. I told my parents before heading off to school this year that I needed an ATM card able to have just a small amount of cash for emergencies and some incidental expenses, but my father was very dubious about this. His concern wasn't about what I would spend the money on; it was about my personal safety. He said giving me an ATM card is not a good idea because thieves could watch me use an ATM near campus and then rob me or even injure me as I was leaving the location to go back to my car.

I wish I had time to get a part-time job, but I'm taking beyond a full course load and I don't have enough hours in the day to both attend college at the level I'm pushing myself and have time to work a part-time job as well. Any ideas? — Parents Worry About an ATM card, via email

PARENTS WORRY ABOUT AN ATM CARD: Do some research in your college town and see if the bank your parents bank with is available in that community. If it is, find a grocery store that has an inside branch, as many banks now have small kiosk setups inside of some of the larger grocery stores in most parts of the country.

You could let your parents know, if you find one with this setup, that you promise to only use the ATM card (or a debit card) during daylight hours inside of a specific grocery store. This is the safest possible location, and if your area has actual bank staff present at the kiosk, that's an even better and more secure setup.

If you can find such a location, take a photograph of the outside of the store and of the inside secure location, where you could receive a small, moderate amount of cash for incidentals, emergencies and the like.

I'm not going to tell you what to do or not to do with this cash, as that is your decision, but this would be the best way to make such an arrangement. And of course, in the future, you may want to ask for a modest amount of cash before you leave your parents' home at the end of the summer!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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